Firstly, I should say this is not a project.
I had considered that as a possibility, and then I realized God does not intend for me to merely take on another project. He expects more. This is a lifestyle. I am being convicted and held accountable, and can I just say… Thank the heavens for that.
I have drafted this first blog post in my head for a while now. Before I had any idea which direction I needed to go in, or what road I needed to walk down this all began to come together. First it happened in the quiet moments after the time I spent within my Bible readings. Then it started as I prayed. I shamefully admit I may have tried to shrug it off because frankly, I was afraid. I was afraid to put myself out there in this capacity. This is my personal walk I am still a “Baby” Christian in many ways.
God had other plans.
I have written bits and pieces of this in the shower (where I seem to do my best thinking,) in the wee hours of the morning when even our smallest babe is fast asleep and I can’t shut my mind off. I have composed this word by word, paragraph by paragraph, endlessly over and over and it’s only picked up steam.
Then God spoke to my heart. “Be Still,” he says.
And God is Good. So I take a leap of faith. I hold my breath and dive head first in these murky waters.
So he is now guiding my hands as I compose this first post. He is lighting the way and giving me the strength at this very moment to tell myself and everyone else that may stumble upon this….
God is NOT a dirty word.
I didn’t grow up in a church. I actually only remember being IN a church once and that was for my Mother’s wedding when I was close to ten years old. I found Jesus when I met my husband at the tender age of sixteen. He asked me to go along one fine Sunday, and being the love struck teenager I was of course I consented, while inside there was quite a bit of turbulence and more than a bit of fear. I remember sitting in the Pew and watching those around me with their arms outstretched and tears streaming down their face and wondering frankly, what gave. I felt insignificant. I felt like an outsider. I reluctantly went back, and then back again and God began to speak to my heart. I remember the Pastor’s wife walking around during church service, randomly praying for the members of the church and me silently begging in my head for her to come over to me. I fell hard. I became a believer.
But my walk hasn’t been perfect.
Over the years I have fallen in and out of church. I struggle daily. I question myself, my faith and everything in between. There are days when I just don’t know how we are going to get it all together in time for the next wave of bills or all the grown up responsibilities that grind on us all, and I pull those burdens down around my neck and fasten them like a cloak of sorrows. In those moments I barely remember to breath… and then I remember. God is with me. God loves me. I only need faith as big as a mustard seed. He’s got this. He has me.
Let me tell you though… When the calling to share these feelings, and to not only document them but to open myself wide for the world to see my insecurities and my short comings as a mother, as a wife and as Christian… well. That is a big responsibility. That is a lot of pressure.
Even still when Jesus comes a knocking you answer.
So I did. I am. I am answering. I am hoping to grow in all areas of my life as a person, and to hopefully even reach maybe a scared soul that struggles with Faith as I do. To show that I am one of many faces of Christianity. We all truly are. We all represent the REAL body of Christ. The imperfect, the broken, the sometimes less than faithful. In our brokenness, God loves us. He loves us as we are. He loves you as you are. Day by day I get just a little bit stronger. I am not just unfastening that cape.. I am shredding it, thread by thread.
So here I am laying it all out. Mostly because God told me to, and I don’t care how crazy that sounds. I don’t care because God is not a dirty word. He is in fact real and living in me. I am also here to say that not all Christians are as the media portrays. We are just people in different walks trying to support our families, find happiness, keep faith and love and be loved in our full capacities, but most of all we are trying our best to Glorify God. He has a different purpose for us all and I intend to live up to it the best I can. Whether you have accepted Jesus only a moment ago, or you have been a lifelong follower of Christ he loves you and always has.
I will get into my own testimony and how God has moved in me and helped our family in another post, but an introduction was needed. This blog will be a place to celebrate the love I have for God, my family and to be completely honest and hold myself accountable.
I am here to share my love for God and the people he has put in my life.
I am here because I am real, and I am willing to sacrifice my comfort for the love of the Lord, to not only glorify his name but to bring not just me but hopefully YOU closer to God.
I hope you will stick around.
Philemon 1:6- NIV
I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ.